Hi David, I wasn't expecting a response, I was feeling a bit maudlin after reading what you wrote. Thank you for replying.
Yeah, it's a heady mix of all that (and more) that feeds my imposter syndrome - not unusual for a middle-aged woman baptised into RC with all the indoctrination through schooling and church saturation who gave it the flick at 19 - that makes me feel like I've nothing important to contribute, or if anyone ascribes importance to anything I do it's because I'm doing it their way.
I try to write, but I'm time and imagination poor with work. I haven't produced anything of merit for some time, though there are a few pieces on my Stack that are old and maybe someone will read them. I've tried to shake the "why bother" for decades but it's rusted on, methinks. Your advice would be invaluable.
I am worthy because I am a child of God. I am a writer because I love to write. Not because I have gotten five minutes of fame, or maybe years of fame. I have a passion to write and I try not to compare myself with others. God has called me to write in my later years. He has called me since the age of twelve but I let the addictions in the world derail me. When I was washed up on the shores I found God first, and my love of writing was rekindled. I realize people have to earn a living but very very few writers make enough to live on, and their incomes are seldom salaries. Why? There's a gross lack of support for writers in this society. Hopefully we can all pull together and do something about that. In the meantime, I will always write.
I'm horribly uncoordinated - I was picked on relentlessly for it as a kid - so I stopped trying.
I was told I could do anything I put my mind to, as long as it wasn't any of a long list of careers considered unsuitable for a girl - so I stopped trying to be more than what I was told I should be.
I was told that I was attractive but if only my nose was different, I'd be pretty - so I stopped trying to be one of the cool kids and put up with them kicking me when I was down.
I was told I was intelligent; if only I focussed more, I could be something - so I stopped trying to be more than what I was.
I was told I could write but that no one wanted to read what I want to say, that I don't know enough to speak, that I've not lived enough, so I'm not interesting enough to be heard - so I stopped writing.
No one has told me I'm unworthy, not in those words, but they may as well have.
Oh gosh KJ, what a kick in the guts. We internalise so many messages about ourselves, and they can hold us back. If you ever wanted to connect and have a chat, we could start to unpick some of those.
Hi David, I wasn't expecting a response, I was feeling a bit maudlin after reading what you wrote. Thank you for replying.
Yeah, it's a heady mix of all that (and more) that feeds my imposter syndrome - not unusual for a middle-aged woman baptised into RC with all the indoctrination through schooling and church saturation who gave it the flick at 19 - that makes me feel like I've nothing important to contribute, or if anyone ascribes importance to anything I do it's because I'm doing it their way.
I try to write, but I'm time and imagination poor with work. I haven't produced anything of merit for some time, though there are a few pieces on my Stack that are old and maybe someone will read them. I've tried to shake the "why bother" for decades but it's rusted on, methinks. Your advice would be invaluable.
Thoughts are with you KJ - thanks for your vulnerability and honesty. I’ve sent you an email.
I am worthy because I am a child of God. I am a writer because I love to write. Not because I have gotten five minutes of fame, or maybe years of fame. I have a passion to write and I try not to compare myself with others. God has called me to write in my later years. He has called me since the age of twelve but I let the addictions in the world derail me. When I was washed up on the shores I found God first, and my love of writing was rekindled. I realize people have to earn a living but very very few writers make enough to live on, and their incomes are seldom salaries. Why? There's a gross lack of support for writers in this society. Hopefully we can all pull together and do something about that. In the meantime, I will always write.
Beautiful. Thank you Donna.
I'm horribly uncoordinated - I was picked on relentlessly for it as a kid - so I stopped trying.
I was told I could do anything I put my mind to, as long as it wasn't any of a long list of careers considered unsuitable for a girl - so I stopped trying to be more than what I was told I should be.
I was told that I was attractive but if only my nose was different, I'd be pretty - so I stopped trying to be one of the cool kids and put up with them kicking me when I was down.
I was told I was intelligent; if only I focussed more, I could be something - so I stopped trying to be more than what I was.
I was told I could write but that no one wanted to read what I want to say, that I don't know enough to speak, that I've not lived enough, so I'm not interesting enough to be heard - so I stopped writing.
No one has told me I'm unworthy, not in those words, but they may as well have.
Oh gosh KJ, what a kick in the guts. We internalise so many messages about ourselves, and they can hold us back. If you ever wanted to connect and have a chat, we could start to unpick some of those.