As a drama teacher in a GPS boys school in the mid-1990s, I asked my Year 10s to pick any topic for us to do some Boal stuff on (how stupid of me), of course, they wanted to interrogate porn. So we did the some tableaux work on what images they thought showed the best and the worst of it (there were a few caveats of course). I was surprised by just how naïve their images were, how "page 3 boob-shot" the ideas were, right out of Benny Hill from the 1970s. In the discussion after, we reflected and here they were genuinely engaged, for perhaps the first time, purely because of the absence of women in their images, made them feel a bit vulnerable. Women became the topic, all of the sudden, and how they navigated themselves with the women in their lives - particularly their mothers (remember, we started this off by interrogating porn!) The conversation eventually came around to one lad stating that he wanted to protect his little sisters, but that his mother kept reminding him how much he looked like his Dad (they were clearly bitterly divorced, Dad lived in China but paid the school fees), that he was too tall, too good looking, too dangerous to protect his little sisters. It was heart-breakingly honest and the other boys all nodded in understanding. These lads will all be in their early 40s now, having their own children and divorces, repeating the tropes laid down by their parents. The arts really are a portal for young people to explore and critically evaluate the things that never get spoken about. They must have this to increase empathy and corroboration with each other. Good on you Dave for going there, it is a way more complex situation that the age old "boy problem" narratives that have ALWAYS been at the heart of Anglo-Celtic histories.
Can't tell you how often I think of this story and share it with classes I've taught. This is a perennial problem - what to do with boys? Important to keep in mind the historical context always. You're a legend. x
Loved this, a juicy read as always. I loved Janet's story. It made me remember teenagers and kids are societies own jester tricksters, reflecting the happenings. And, like tricksters they are most drawn to the hot spots where there is the most energy, because that's the most fun place to play in. Like in Janet’s story they go towards porn because - what a red hot spot of energy to ping off, also so much fun and hilarious stuff to play out! it is obscene, and through the door obscenity you easily land in grotesque comedy. This is a wonderful skill that those young Bouffons hold, but they don’t get to flex the muscle of power play, or grotesque play much because they have to be cool, and it’s easier to be cool and mean than cool and playful. Such pressure! To make a decision about who you are. When there's not a space to play with that and test out different sides of yourself. And then things get played out in private. If you don't play it, it will play you. They also want agency and something about that Andrew Ta(in)te shows them they can have agency through misogyny.
I also wonder what is being unsaid in the education setting and so said in another space. Which I guess also asks the question, is school a place of community or … something else. If you're at a private school you have all their ethics and religious bulshit to navigate and roll your eyes at. Speaking specifically about private schools: the uniforms! So weird! Cosplaying as boring adults, as finance bro’s, as army men, as women who only ever wear dresses and skirts. At my high school there were no pants options! Wtf! That’s obviously a while ago now but pretty sure they still ain’t selling trousers. I would have loved to rock a trouser. I don’t know, I’m definitely a ~take all the children out into the ocean and the bush~ kind of person. I think a missing character may be the ‘us’ of the equation. Which you can see brought out in Janet’s story. I don’t think there is an abundance of the role model of the ‘us’ in society. I think everyone is really aching for connection and wilderness. Here I go being bush girl again, but the phone's dude! Pauline Boss coined a term 'ambiguous loss', naming the feeling of a loved one not being emotionally there anymore. Good old Esther Perel then contextualised that phenomenon to explain what happens when someone looks at their phone when you're talking to them/connecting with them. I keep coming back to the question, how do we be here together. Very interested in this topic as I have two Niblings who are big internet hunni's. Praise be to all the teachers being role models for honest communication and playfulness. HMMM thoughts thoughts thoughts, thank you Dave for writing this!
You're the best. Although I did read this sentence: 'At my high school there were no pants options' - as though it was an option for students at your school to wear nothing below the waist. Hilarious. Yes to Perel, yes to Boss (we're reading the same stuff) - the older I get, the more horrified I am by the school system. Interesting to see home schooling going through the roof too....
With a 10 year old grandson, I worry about his future, how he sees himself and how others see him. It's troubling times. He has some great male role models in his life though, I'm grateful my boys did too - though not their father. Where are the good male role models today?
I like to think the good male role models are there - they're just quietly in the background of men's lives....here's hoping! Thank you for reading Tiffany.
Having 2 boys (young men) myself, and growing up in a family of 3 girls, my husband and I have always found this a troubling social situation. Some boys, through no fault of their own, don’t grown up with men who have the traits of goodness, kindness and gentleness - three things that I believe are essential for young boys to experience. All children, to some degree, mimic what they see and experience. I fear that over the generations, these traits have been pushed aside for the more ‘manly’ traits and as a result, we are loosing young men who have the ability to feel empathy, and carry respect for others. That being said, society in general has lost these traits too and humankind struggles with having ‘grace’ for one another. My husband and I have tried to raise our boys to be role models for their male peers and future generations. Men who are attune with the world and are responsible for their actions within it.
As always, Dave, another article (as well as those previous that you referenced), that hits the nail on the head. Thank you.
Thanks so much Simone. It's easy to get down about the state of boyhood, but there are plenty parents like you, of course, who have raised sensitive young men. One would like to think they're in the majority, and the troubled ones are just louder. Who knows.
As a drama teacher in a GPS boys school in the mid-1990s, I asked my Year 10s to pick any topic for us to do some Boal stuff on (how stupid of me), of course, they wanted to interrogate porn. So we did the some tableaux work on what images they thought showed the best and the worst of it (there were a few caveats of course). I was surprised by just how naïve their images were, how "page 3 boob-shot" the ideas were, right out of Benny Hill from the 1970s. In the discussion after, we reflected and here they were genuinely engaged, for perhaps the first time, purely because of the absence of women in their images, made them feel a bit vulnerable. Women became the topic, all of the sudden, and how they navigated themselves with the women in their lives - particularly their mothers (remember, we started this off by interrogating porn!) The conversation eventually came around to one lad stating that he wanted to protect his little sisters, but that his mother kept reminding him how much he looked like his Dad (they were clearly bitterly divorced, Dad lived in China but paid the school fees), that he was too tall, too good looking, too dangerous to protect his little sisters. It was heart-breakingly honest and the other boys all nodded in understanding. These lads will all be in their early 40s now, having their own children and divorces, repeating the tropes laid down by their parents. The arts really are a portal for young people to explore and critically evaluate the things that never get spoken about. They must have this to increase empathy and corroboration with each other. Good on you Dave for going there, it is a way more complex situation that the age old "boy problem" narratives that have ALWAYS been at the heart of Anglo-Celtic histories.
Can't tell you how often I think of this story and share it with classes I've taught. This is a perennial problem - what to do with boys? Important to keep in mind the historical context always. You're a legend. x
Love this story Janet. Hallelujah for you as a teacher and hell yeah for those lads and their wildness! xx
Loved this, a juicy read as always. I loved Janet's story. It made me remember teenagers and kids are societies own jester tricksters, reflecting the happenings. And, like tricksters they are most drawn to the hot spots where there is the most energy, because that's the most fun place to play in. Like in Janet’s story they go towards porn because - what a red hot spot of energy to ping off, also so much fun and hilarious stuff to play out! it is obscene, and through the door obscenity you easily land in grotesque comedy. This is a wonderful skill that those young Bouffons hold, but they don’t get to flex the muscle of power play, or grotesque play much because they have to be cool, and it’s easier to be cool and mean than cool and playful. Such pressure! To make a decision about who you are. When there's not a space to play with that and test out different sides of yourself. And then things get played out in private. If you don't play it, it will play you. They also want agency and something about that Andrew Ta(in)te shows them they can have agency through misogyny.
I also wonder what is being unsaid in the education setting and so said in another space. Which I guess also asks the question, is school a place of community or … something else. If you're at a private school you have all their ethics and religious bulshit to navigate and roll your eyes at. Speaking specifically about private schools: the uniforms! So weird! Cosplaying as boring adults, as finance bro’s, as army men, as women who only ever wear dresses and skirts. At my high school there were no pants options! Wtf! That’s obviously a while ago now but pretty sure they still ain’t selling trousers. I would have loved to rock a trouser. I don’t know, I’m definitely a ~take all the children out into the ocean and the bush~ kind of person. I think a missing character may be the ‘us’ of the equation. Which you can see brought out in Janet’s story. I don’t think there is an abundance of the role model of the ‘us’ in society. I think everyone is really aching for connection and wilderness. Here I go being bush girl again, but the phone's dude! Pauline Boss coined a term 'ambiguous loss', naming the feeling of a loved one not being emotionally there anymore. Good old Esther Perel then contextualised that phenomenon to explain what happens when someone looks at their phone when you're talking to them/connecting with them. I keep coming back to the question, how do we be here together. Very interested in this topic as I have two Niblings who are big internet hunni's. Praise be to all the teachers being role models for honest communication and playfulness. HMMM thoughts thoughts thoughts, thank you Dave for writing this!
You're the best. Although I did read this sentence: 'At my high school there were no pants options' - as though it was an option for students at your school to wear nothing below the waist. Hilarious. Yes to Perel, yes to Boss (we're reading the same stuff) - the older I get, the more horrified I am by the school system. Interesting to see home schooling going through the roof too....
With a 10 year old grandson, I worry about his future, how he sees himself and how others see him. It's troubling times. He has some great male role models in his life though, I'm grateful my boys did too - though not their father. Where are the good male role models today?
I like to think the good male role models are there - they're just quietly in the background of men's lives....here's hoping! Thank you for reading Tiffany.
Having 2 boys (young men) myself, and growing up in a family of 3 girls, my husband and I have always found this a troubling social situation. Some boys, through no fault of their own, don’t grown up with men who have the traits of goodness, kindness and gentleness - three things that I believe are essential for young boys to experience. All children, to some degree, mimic what they see and experience. I fear that over the generations, these traits have been pushed aside for the more ‘manly’ traits and as a result, we are loosing young men who have the ability to feel empathy, and carry respect for others. That being said, society in general has lost these traits too and humankind struggles with having ‘grace’ for one another. My husband and I have tried to raise our boys to be role models for their male peers and future generations. Men who are attune with the world and are responsible for their actions within it.
As always, Dave, another article (as well as those previous that you referenced), that hits the nail on the head. Thank you.
Thanks so much Simone. It's easy to get down about the state of boyhood, but there are plenty parents like you, of course, who have raised sensitive young men. One would like to think they're in the majority, and the troubled ones are just louder. Who knows.