Brilliant post. My eldest was almost 7 when he started telling me about the dreams he was having. The house was on fire and I was stuck inside. He was trying and trying to save me, but he couldn't, so instead he laid down in the fire with me. All I could think of was that I had done this. He had inherited my anxiety and depression, and I had doomed him to a life of agony and sadness. All because of my selfish desire to have a child. It's a horrible thing to have to deal with. But hopefully we, as adults who experienced the same thing, come from a more informed perspective than our parents did, and we're able to help our children navigate things a bit more clearly. You're doing a great job ❤️
I spent many, many years thinking my eldest had 'caught' my anxiety from me. So concerned by it that I moved away from my kids for a year. Needless to say, it didn't help.
I've learnt the complex and messy way that kids will be whoever they are and do whatever they do and there is only so much we can do.
But talking to them about what goes on with you helps- at their level- at least with mine who have a very complicated Mum (I now have an 8 yr old who knows psychological terms ).
And talking about how normal anxiety and fear is to development and brain leaps. That helps.
My 8 yr old currently runs screaming from the room at the thought of insects and asked me this morning if her Dad was really her Dad or a robot...
I used to think my parents had been taken away and replaced too and still feel often that I will lose those I love.
I came into the world broken, but i think the broken people make the world more interesting.
I have been smothered in CBT. Never found it helped me think myself out of feeling either...
But excellent fathering there- and good "self care".
I couldn't tell you what was wrong with me either but I know my labels and boxes.
Brilliant post. My eldest was almost 7 when he started telling me about the dreams he was having. The house was on fire and I was stuck inside. He was trying and trying to save me, but he couldn't, so instead he laid down in the fire with me. All I could think of was that I had done this. He had inherited my anxiety and depression, and I had doomed him to a life of agony and sadness. All because of my selfish desire to have a child. It's a horrible thing to have to deal with. But hopefully we, as adults who experienced the same thing, come from a more informed perspective than our parents did, and we're able to help our children navigate things a bit more clearly. You're doing a great job ❤️
I spent many, many years thinking my eldest had 'caught' my anxiety from me. So concerned by it that I moved away from my kids for a year. Needless to say, it didn't help.
I've learnt the complex and messy way that kids will be whoever they are and do whatever they do and there is only so much we can do.
But talking to them about what goes on with you helps- at their level- at least with mine who have a very complicated Mum (I now have an 8 yr old who knows psychological terms ).
And talking about how normal anxiety and fear is to development and brain leaps. That helps.
My 8 yr old currently runs screaming from the room at the thought of insects and asked me this morning if her Dad was really her Dad or a robot...
I used to think my parents had been taken away and replaced too and still feel often that I will lose those I love.
I came into the world broken, but i think the broken people make the world more interesting.
I have been smothered in CBT. Never found it helped me think myself out of feeling either...
But excellent fathering there- and good "self care".
I couldn't tell you what was wrong with me either but I know my labels and boxes.
Sorry...messy long comment...excellent post