Warning: I'm a cis white guy
Sorry if that spoils things
A mark of intelligence is to hold two conflicting thoughts simultaneously. Is emotional intelligence the same? If so, does it mean the feeling in my chest - a great unresolvable grief - is a sign of maturity?
The two sides feel like this:
As a cis, white, straight-appearing man, I have benefitted from countless sources of privilege in my life. I am wealthier, more educated, and have access to more resources than others who are not in this demographic. Most of human history has benefited people who look like me. Culture has over-represented the work and stories of people who look like me. As culture creators, we must work to correct this imbalance. This correction work will be uncomfortable, even clumsy, but it is vital. It must happen.
The second side: I am a bisexual man with advanced disability in my immediate family. I am a suicide survivor and a survivor of physical and sexual abuse. I am a creator of culture. Over the last ten years, my perceived cultural background has been a frequent obstacle to my work's programming, publishing and commissioning. These reasons have been cited explicitly, in writing and to my face, many times. It feels unjust, painful and immovable.
These ideas hold the same weight, like the two hemispheres of a brain or two halves of a heart. There is never a day when this is not on my mind.
This is a post about things that have happened to me. I don’t know what to do with them or where to put them, so they take up space in my body and are now here.
This has happened twice now.
The Artistic Directors of significant theatre companies have commissioned me to write culturally complex work. I embark on a research process where I interview a broad selection of cultural groups, working with many different cultural identities to facilitate their stories. I have a doctorate in this work and feel competent in my practice. I produce a script for the theatre company.
The theatre companies become nervous. It should be noted that the companies usually comprise a large group of white people. The Artistic Directors and programming staff are on six-figure salaries. They ask: as a cis, white man, am I qualified to even be able to bring these stories to the stage?
They make an abrupt turn in their plans.
Write a story in your voice. We want to support your story and your career as a writer.
So I do. I send them a script.
Six months passed with no communication, and I sent them an e-mail.
No, they’re not interested in pursuing the script at this time.
This has happened a bunch of times.
I sit with a female friend, and they tell me how some dickhead in a leadership position made a dirty joke, or a threat, or threw a temper tantrum. My friend feels trapped, demoralised, and frustrated. They stay silent. The toxic leader retains their position of status.
That same dickhead treats me just fine.
This has happened more times than I can count.
I’m talking with my wife, my closest friends, colleagues, students, or even other parents at school drop-off.
They tell some story, and they are frustrated and angry. The climax of the story is a stark declaration, made without hesitation:
‘FUCKING MEN.’
Men are incompetent. Stupid. Emotionally unaware. Socially inept. Devoid of feeling. Endlessly horny. Uninterested and dull.
I have the same thought every time: do you think I’m like that?
And then I think about what would happen if I made the same declaration about women, if I made the same lazy, broad assumption.
Jesus. Fuck. Here it is. Took a few hundred words but we got to the #notallmen argument.
Well no. But also yes. I mean, ‘not all men’ is kind of true, isn’t it? I mean, not all mean are the same.
So you’re a misandrist now? Going to take up residence in Reddit and 4Chan? You gonna listen to Rogan and Tate and Peterson and all the other fuckheads?
No! I don’t…there’s just nuance, surely. And I’m just saying I feel a little hurt when someone says my entire sex is a sack of shit.
There’s historical context. If you whinge about ‘all women, ’ it’s different than women whinging about ‘all men’ because historically, women have had the shit kicked out of them BY MEN.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So. Fuck. I don’t know.
I’ve watched this happen countless times.
To correct the historical cultural imbalance that has led to gross misrepresentation over the decades, performing arts companies and publishers seek to quickly elevate artists from minorities.
The result is sometimes wonderfully successful. But it’s never painless.
It is often a band-aid solution to a large-scale, systemic problem. The artist in the middle feels unsupported or unprepared to have their work elevated at such speed. The work lacks rigour or minimal impact (often because the company doesn’t have an audience development strategy to accompany the work or artist). The artist leaves the process feeling vaguely exploited.
Everyone loses. No one knows how to solve it, except to commit to long-term consultation, growth, and change.
I’ve written five full-length, unpublished books.
Here’s actual feedback from publishers, editors and agents on those books.
Sadly, no one can sell to male readers.
You might have a better shot if your work was more literary. But your work is quite funny and authentic, so we don’t have a place for you.
Men don’t read.
The publishing industry comprises women, and they’ll resent allowing you an opportunity.
The industry isn’t interested in telling men’s stories right now.
In 2014, Young Jean Lee wrote ‘Straight White Men’ - a play that predates the #metoo movement. It did the rounds internationally and received a lot of acclaim. It covers a lot of stuff, as you might expect. Three brothers come home to their widowed father for Christmas.
In writing a play that examined hegemonic masculinity, Korean-American Young Jean Lee explored a range of stereotypes and ideas. She asked a whole slew of her female friends and colleagues what they would most want from straight white men. The answer: sit down and shut up.
One of Jean Lee’s characters ends up being just this: a solemn middle-aged man in a ‘normal’ career with a ‘normal’ family who shuffles about, trying not to take up space. It leads to a quiet, existential crisis that is unresolved. He doesn’t know how to be, and Jean Lee doesn’t know where to put him.
Audience feedback is clear: the character is uninteresting and unlikable. In creative developments and early drafts, the character was almost eliminated.
No one quite knows what to do with that guy.
Hi! Not sure if you'll remember me (writer, storyteller, CCD worker). I used to say theatremaker as well - but I don't do that as much any more. Some people also remember me as that woman with the wheelchair/sticks. I've been meaning to comment for a while partly because I also have a project (fiction) where buildings transform (referring to your previous blog). Also I appreciated some of the things you said about disability on the blog previously. There is a lot to say about all this - first of all that no one enjoys having projects cancelled. And I don't anything about the circumstances of this in particular. But without knowing anything I would say that institutions have a responsibility to develop and back models of collaborative writing and leadership for projects like this - but that the larger the institution involved the more difficult this seems to be. Also that the barriers each person faces tend to be less visible to others. (This was brought home to me when I submitted a children's picture book manuscript which mentioned a tabla (the Indian drum) and was told "oh no - that would have to come out - people wouldn't like it because they wouldn't know how to pronounce it". Now - I'm not Indian and had included the drum because I was thinking about a little boy in my extended family who is. But it struck me how much worse this would have felt if I were. As you've mentioned here we all have our own stories and they give us valuable insights and skills. It's a shame that in making space for the kinds of change we are talking about there is a sense of scarcity created by the current structures we work in. On the subject of stories about men - not sure I'm the best person to comment. But I enjoyed this podcast episode: https://play.acast.com/s/blindboy/analysing-class-structure-with-darren-mcgarvey